Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
