It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize