dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
