butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
