I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
