So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
