You smell like stripper and shame
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
