You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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