the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
