i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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