I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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