the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
