he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
