Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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