I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
