singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Randomize