yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
