I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
