i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
