alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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