the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
