So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
