Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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