you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
