The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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