Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
