Yo dont text me then not text me
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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