Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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