He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
