Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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