We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The maid of honor just puked.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
