he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
