my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
what day is it and did you see me today?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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