I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So much rum. So many feels.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
