i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize