The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
