Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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