i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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