I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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