tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
