He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think I just sharted jello shots
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
