why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize