eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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