so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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