How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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