that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
