Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
