I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
