She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
PANTIES FOUND
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