A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
