I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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