Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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