Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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