so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
