We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
