im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
