Christians are straight up FREAKS
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
