Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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