yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
