Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
