If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
