i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
