I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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