last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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