weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
