I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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