So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
