Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
