Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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