I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
